All You Ever
by pocket dial
Summary: Set after Catherine gets shot in Bridesmaid Up.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Re-upload. Three part mini fic.**

**Vincent's POV**

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Every night I wander aimlessly and walk street corner to street corner hoping someday for a chance at redemption but nothing I do will change my past. No matter how many lives I save it doesn't bring back the lives that I have taken. For so long I've tried to suppress this monster raging inside of me but as hard as I try nothing can stop the beast that is brewing within.

"Why aren't you speaking to Catherine? I'm not trying to be intrusive but playing the messenger between the two of you is getting pretty tiring. It's been what, two weeks now?"

"J.T. its complicated, always has been. And its been seventeen days." I correct him. Its been a very long seventeen days in fact. "It's safer this way."

"Safer? You do realize this is Catherine you are taking about. There is nothing safe about her career. In case you've already forgotten my face is plastered everywhere within a hundred yards of the precinct. If you two are going to keep using me as the pigeon service at least tell me why. What's so complicated that you two can still work cases but not talk to each other?"

"Ever since she got shot I told myself I would do anything to protect her but instead I'm the one hurting her. So trust me when I say it's safer for her if I stay away."

_Roof top after roof top and yet every night I find myself there, waiting for her. As I sit on the fire escape I listen for her steps to come closer, for her to finally arrive home. I must admit, it's the one thing I look forward to at the end of a very long day. Seeing her and talking to her brings back these feelings that I thought were long gone. I never knew how much I missed it until I found her. For the first time in a long time I feel alive and have a life worth living. I finally have a purpose, saving lives just like in my old life before I became this thing, a monster._

_As always I wait for her to get to her bedroom first before I make my presence known. Even though I know what her reaction will be it never stops my heart from racing. I can hear hers as well, faster and louder than my own. A sound both calming and rousing._

_Slowly she makes her way across the room as I enter through the window. I can't help but smile as she gets near. All my ability seems to leave me when she's close because I can't seem to get any words out of my mouth. Foolishly I stand there, staring in awe. She leans in and her scent is intoxicating, driving my senses in overdrive. Instantly in one short breath she was in my arms. She embraces me as I do the same, enclosing her in a firm hug._

_I let her go and step back as she does the same, a dance we've done multiple times. Like before I let an opportunity slip away from me by not telling her the reason why I came by every night. Ever since she got out of the hospital things have changed. We constantly eluded the elephant in the room and never talked about the night of the wedding. Sometimes though I'd catch her staring and vice versa._

_The words were on the tip of my tongue but never came out. Minutes pass of second guessing and doubting myself before I finally made up my mind. I put my hand out and ask for hers but she doesn't immediately take it. She looks up and stare. Her eyes bore into mine, questioning._

_"Do you trust me?" I ask her, my voice a little more husky than usual._

_A small gust of wind enters through the opening of the window causing her to shiver. Patiently I wait for her to answer but she quietly stands there, almost as if she was waiting for me to make another move. I pause, hesitate, unsure of what to do and suddenly fear struck me. Was she rejecting me? Had I read all the signs incorrectly?_

_"I'm sorry." I whisper to her but I wasn't sure if she heard._

_She shakes her head and looks down. My outstretched arm was still hoping she would take my hand. Nervously I step back and draw my hands into my jacket pocket. Silence was never louder than here and now. It felt like years as the seconds slowly ticked away. I must have pictured this a thousand times before but never did I imagine it would turn out this way._

_I can hear her heartbeat get faster and more louder. Sometimes I wish I didn't have the ability to do so. It was almost as if she was wearing her heart on her sleeve and I was eavesdropping on her thoughts. My senses were more powerful than any human but yet I didn't see this one coming. I should have left but my legs were incapable of moving. My mouth started to go dry and my hands clammy. It felt as if I could hear my own heart shatter._

_Then suddenly the silence was finally cut short and what seemed like an eternity no longer mattered as I heard the words faintly come out of her mouth. "Vincent." She pauses to look into my eyes. "I love you." She barely manages to get out as her whole body shook._

_Everything seemed to slow down and my senses became louder and clearer. I had analyzed the situation incorrectly. She was nervous as I was and more scared. There was so much at risk for her. Three simple words and the walls she built to keep everyone at bay were slowly crumbling. She was no longer the fragile girl who needed saving but a woman, beautiful and strong yet still vulnerable._

_She puts her head down as the silence once again fell between us. I had so much to say but words failed me yet again. I take one of her hand and place it over my heart hoping she could feel what I felt. Inside my chest my heart was racing, blossoming at the beauty in front of me._

_I put my hand underneath her chin and she raises her head. I feel her tears land on my hand and instinctively I brush her cheeks with my fingers. Her cheeks were soft, pink, and wet with a single tear streaming down in each. She was still shivering as we stood there staring at each other. I stroke her cheeks, wiping the lone tear away. A soft moan escapes her mouth as I brush her hair away from her face. I close my eyes and listen to her heart rhythmically beating with mine._

_I open my eyes as I feel her hand caress mine and softly her lips brushes my palm. Subtle yet strong as my senses were very sensitive. Her actions were now causing me to shiver. I try to smile back in return but even that was futile as I suddenly felt weak in my knees and the pounding of my heart started to grow._

_"I hope you know what you're doing to me." Nervously and with a shaky hand I pull her closer. The need to feel her increasing with each beat._

_I watch as the goosebumps form on the length of her arms and up her neck. For a moment I mused about how it would feel to have my lips on her exposed skin before my eyes wandered up to her beautiful face. Still reeling from a mixture of emotions I boldly make a move, taking her face in both hands and lean down. I inhale her scent and let our lips flutter. For the first time our lips touch and once again our hearts beat as one._

_Her lips were soft and luscious against mine. I engulf her body tighter as my tongue awaited entrance. She opens her mouth and passionately we kiss. Her tongue tasted of strawberry and sea water, perhaps from the tears she cried. I could hear our heartbeat getting louder as our kisses deepen or maybe the other way around. I wanted to be gentle but something else was taking over._

_My hands roam her body as my mouth makes it way south. I hear her moan as I place kisses down her neck. She tasted sweet yet salty, maybe from the long day off work. I wanted of more of her._

"You can stop there. I don't need a play by play of your sex life especially with Catherine."

"You don't get it J.T. the story isn't about sex and just so you know we didn't have sex."

"So you're not talking to each other because you didn't have sex?"

"No. Just let me finish my story.

_She pulls away from me and I wasn't sure why until I saw my reflection in her eyes. Unknowingly I was transforming. What I thought was gentle and passionate was actually strong and brutal. I had left markings on her arms and her torso as I held her too tightly. Her neck was covered with nicks and cuts from my teeth. It was fear in her eyes rather than love. In an instant all the bad things I've done came rushing back._

_I had hurt her and a sudden rush of anger flowed through me. I was transforming, my skin was burning as I felt myself altering. I tried to get away but a part of me wanted to stay, something in her eyes was pulling me towards her. Everything felt surreal almost like an out of body experience. My mind was saying one thing and my body was doing another. I no longer had control of my actions. We were made to hurt, maim, kill and destroy. That feeling was stronger than ever. And though a part of me recognized who she was, my first instinct was to attack._

_I wanted to obliterate the memory of what I had done but nothing will ever let me forget. I launched at her and knocked both of us to the ground. I pin her down and I see the sadness in her eyes. She kicks me off as I struggled with my own battle. The human side was still fighting it. Both sides refused to give in. I let out a huge roar and I knew then that my transformation was complete._

_The next thing I knew I woke up with the sunlight beaming on my face. At first my vision was hazy then it became clear that I was still in her room. Next to me on the floor was Catherine with the tranquilizer gun close by._

_I wrecked what was a beautiful moment and turned it to something grotesque. I couldn't blame her if she wanted to take the words back and if she never wanted to see me again. As sad as that was it would be even worse if I were to hurt or kill her._

_An aching shot through my body and a loud cry voluntary left my mouth. In the wake of my sadness Catherine stirred by my side. I sat up quickly as she did the same._

_"Vincent..." She pleaded._

_My glowing eyes reflected in her tired ones. The monster was once again making its way out of me. I let out a sharp roar and launched up as she tried to reach for me. I managed to make it out of the window and to the fire escape. I climbed up to the rooftop where I could still her cries, calling out my name. I ran and jumped as far as I could to stop the deafening sounds. I didn't want to hurt her but the truth is I already have._

_Tears formed in my eyes but I fought it back as I had no right to. In a moment my vision blurred and a realization sunk in that I left her all alone. To be with me would be a risk, not just her heart but her life. It was no longer me that was in control but this monster that was seeking a way out. I saw my future reflecting in her saddened eyes. She feared me and I couldn't blame her. This monster was hideous and that beast was me._

"I know it sounds cliché but that one short moment with her made all the ugliness and the craziness in my life a distant memory. And then just like that it all came back. I was flooded with the bad memories that I've longed to forget. This thing, the mutation, I can feel it growing stronger. And that night, it was the strongest I've ever felt it. I could have seriously hurt her." Emotionally I already had and there was no turning back. "I can feel it inside me stirring and it's getting harder to fight." I pause and look out the window. This darken warehouse will soon no longer be able to hide me and who I really am. "I don't want you to look for me when I leave."

"Wait...what?!"

I turn to look at my best friend, my only friend for a decade. "If I stay here I'm only putting your life in danger. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me and now its my turn to return the favor."

"Vincent I can still help you. We have Catherine's moms notebook. We will find a cure."

"There is no cure J.T." I shouted. The monster was slowly starting to rise. "All I've done is hurt you and Catherine. This life, the fantasy I built inside my head was all a lie. I can never be human again."

I scrambled out of the warehouse and ran as fast as I could before J.T. could stop me. The two people I cared about was constantly in harms way because of me. No one was safe with me around. The darkness was now my only companion.

I had only one other goodbye left. I roamed around town listlessly before making my way to her place. I heard the shrill sound of sirens which reminded me of her. Faintly I can hear her voice, it was warm and soothing. I close my eyes and let the memories of her flow.

Slowly I climbed up the fire escape, careful not to draw any attention. The lights were on and the window was slightly open. I can her hear pacing back and forth in her room.

"J.T. have you heard from him yet? This is all my fault. I should have told him that I wasn't angry at him. If you hear from him will you tell him...let him know that I love him..." Her voice was full of worry and sadness. It tore me apart to hear her this way.

Before I could stop it a rumbling sound came out of my mouth. This time it was a battle between all the forces within me. The human that wanted to cling on to a love one. The animal instinct to protect its livelihood. My brain said to leave, danger was abound. My heart said stay, she needs you as much as you need her.

"VINCENT." She yelled and the window flew open. Quickly she stepped out in to the fire escape and stood in front of me.

I held on to the railing trying to hold off this thing that wanted to be set free. I didn't have much time before it would be unleashed.

"Vincent...I'm right here...please." She pleaded, for what I wasn't sure. Her touch was soft and her eyes kind.

"I'm sorry Catherine." I manage to strangle out.

"I love you Vincent." I felt the heat of her lips on mine and I sank in her arms as I held her one last time.

"I love you Catherine..." Was the last thing I could muster before I lost the fight.

I jumped down to the alley and never looked back. Where I would go next I wasn't quite sure.

My DNA is evolving more and more with each waking moment. Though my human side battles with it everyday, not wanting to easily give up I knew it would be a lost cause. Soon, hopefully later, much later the human will vanish. I am no longer just a man but a monster lurking in the shadows awaiting to be let out. What was once human is now becoming a beast.


	2. Chapter 2

Living alone was much harder than I had predicted. The loneliness was sometimes unbearable and the only thing that helped was living in the shadows as I watched those that I love. From afar I listened to their thoughts, the silent voices they didn't want anyone to hear. I heard the anger and the pain they kept within as they searched for their missing friend. Somewhere in the darkness of their thoughts was the glimmer of hope that I would return permanently.

I ached and yearned for the comforts of my old life but I knew that it was a dangerous path to follow. The beast was always lurking and sometimes I lost the battle of wills as I gave in to the dark despair of loneliness.

My best friend since childhood days still kept hope that I would some day become normal again. Day and night he kept his face buried in notes and books. He sat and paced around the warehouse until he was too tired and sometimes fell asleep on the couch as he read the same thing over and over.

I'd sneak in every now and then to let him know that I was still alive. His face was always of shock and though he wanted me to stay, he always knew not to ask. He'd relay all the new things he learned but we both knew that reversing the animal mutation was impossible.

The only love I've longed for was always out of reach until I met her. Catherine, the girl I saved and the woman I eventually fell in love with.

It was much harder to let her go. Every heartbeat ached for her and every second without her was of pure pain. The thought of her moving on was agonizing but she deserved to be happy. The beast was much closer whenever I was near her. It taunted me, challenged me to make myself known as I had with J.T. but I never could. As much as I should I couldn't stop seeing her either.

I hide behind a wall and listen to the sounds of her movements. She places her keys on the kitchen counter when she came in. Then she goes into her room and puts her gun and badge in the drawer by her bed. I slowly move closer to the window to catch a glimpse of her and my heart stops as I catch her eyes staring at me.

Every part of me wanted to runaway but my legs wouldn't move, in fact my knees started to buckle. I watched as she opens the window and I had to back away to let the wall support me.

I hold on to the railing and close my eyes as I feel the beast tearing its way through me.

"Vincent."

I feel her hands on my cheeks, cupping my face. I open my eyes and let out a sob I didn't know I was holding back.

"It's okay."

I shake my head furiously. "No." I let out a huge roar.

Once again she places her hands on my cheeks. "Look at me Vincent. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

I look into her eyes. "Catherine." I feel my legs go weak and I fall to my knees. "I'm sorry."

She kneels in front of me and I let the tears fall from my eyes. "I'm so sorry." I tell her once more.

"I don't blame you for what happened that night. I should have told you that I wasn't mad instead of ignoring you. I thought if I gave you some space to clear your head that you would come back. I never expected you to leave and deal with this alone. I love you so much and it hurts to see you this way. Please let me help you Vincent."

"I'm only going to hurt you."

She closes her eyes and the tears cascade down her cheeks.

I felt the anger rising and my hands started to tremble.

"I believe in you." She whispers.

I open my eyes and meet hers. She takes my hands into hers and our fingers entwined. My breathing becomes more normal and my anger starts to fade.

"There's days when it will be difficult but please don't give up so easily. There's so much good in you and I hope you don't ever forget that. I love you Vincent."

"I love you too, Catherine."

"Please stay and let us help you."

"I..."

She kisses me, cutting off my answer.

"Think about it first before you answer. You know where to find me or J.T." She stands up and starts to walk back towards the window.

I stand up and chase after her. "Wait." I grab her hand.

She turns around to face me.

"How did you know?'

She shrugs her shoulders. "I didn't. I just kept hoping you would show up and you did."

"I want to stay."

I close the gap between us and I stand in front of her. I cup her face and let my lips lightly touch hers.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to tame the beast."

"By kissing me?"

"No." I shake my head. "By loving you."

They were my only connection to the world, the reason why I was able to maintain my sanity and probably my only chance of taming the beast.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Catherine's POV.**

**Last chapter.**

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Dawn was visible from the window when I awoke. I was startled by the sounds he made in his sleep. It was soft enough to be murmurs but loud enough to wake me. Though he had been back for weeks now, sometimes it still felt like he was miles away.

"Vincent?" I ask.

He stirs and turns on his stomach, taking most of the blanket with him.

The first sign of light was slowly creeping into my room. I turn to look at my clock on top of the bedside drawer. 6:05 was shining brightly in neon green. I toss aside the remainder of the blanket that covered me and sit on the edge of the bed.

I fold up the sleeves of my flannel pajamas and head into the bathroom. My eyes were sunken as I stare at my reflection. Restless nights were spent with him as he experienced nightmares, sometimes waking in high alert as if someone was chasing him. Once, he woke while yelling and his face partially transformed. We never could sleep after each nightmare and he slipped further away each time.

I turn on the faucet and wait for the water to turn warm. I lean over the sink and rinse my face, washing off the sleepiness.

I wipe my face on a towel and head back to the bedroom.

"Did I wake you again?" The blanket was lazily tossed aside from his body as he sits up in bed.

I lean against the door frame and cross my arms. "You were talking in your sleep."

He yawns and brings the blanket up covering his naked torso. There was a slight chill in the air. I pull my sleeves down as I feel the goosebumps forming in my arms.

"Should I go?"

"Why?"

He shrugs his shoulders and the blanket falls off once again. He stares up at the ceiling and avoids eye contact. "You look like hell, like you haven't slept in weeks. Since I've been back all you've done is worry about me. This, whatever it is, you spend more time trying to keep the beast from coming out than you do with the person you love. Maybe I made the wrong choice by staying."

I cover my face with my hands and wipe the tears from my eyes. "You want to leave again and you're asking me if it's okay?"

He turns his head and finally faces me. "What are we really doing Catherine?"

"Why didn't you just leave while I was in the bathroom? Do what you do best Vincent and disappear, if that's what you want." My voice starts to crack. "I can't do this right now." I look up to try and prevent more tears from falling. "Just go." I turn away from him and bite my lip as I try to keep from sobbing.

I close my eyes tightly hoping that the tears would stop. I exhale and sob, unable to stop from crying.

"I don't deserve you Catherine." His voice was low and rough as he whispers in my ear. "Don't turn around. Keep your eyes close."

I feel his chest against my back as he pulls me towards him. I feel his hands on my arms as he slowly lowers it. "I need you to trust me." He places his hands over mines and envelopes my fingers. "I can hear every thought you have and I can't bear hurting you." I can feel his lips as he whispers closely in my ears. "Every day I hear you struggle with what your heart feels and what your mind thinks. A part of you knows this is wrong but you can't help but love me." I can hear the pain in his voice. "You think you're being strong by holding on but maybe it's best if you let go." His voice starts to tremble. "I'm asking you to let me go because I can't do it Catherine."

He lets go of my hands and I turn around to face him.

"I'm sorry Catherine."

My hands tremble as I reach for his face.

"I can't control it anymore. It comes and goes freely..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared of losing you." He closes his eyes and the tears he'd been holding back rolls down his rough and transformed cheeks.

"You're still the same Vincent that I fell in love with. Altered state or not, you're the guy that saved my life and you're the one that I want to be with."

His features start to soften and his eyes return to its normal colors.

"How long have you known?"

"I think I always have but I was too afraid to admit it." He pauses. "I can only read your mind when I'm in my altered form."

"But you can always hear my heart. Listen to that. What I feel for you will never alter even if you change physically."

"It's not just a physical change. This thing feeds of fear, it's willing to hurt anyone, even you. I can barely control it. The nightmares I have is of you, losing you in every possible way. Murfield, the beast, a suspect and once, of my own doing. I was too late and I couldn't save you."

"What hurts the most is when you push me away and don't let me in. Even though you're here, sometimes you feel a thousand miles away. You're not going to hurt me unless you choose to. If you leave I'm not going to lie to you and say it's okay because it's not. You said so yourself that you can't let me go so what makes you think I can? I won't give up on you or us but I can't do this alone. So if you do choose to go I'll have to ask you to never come back because I can't keep doing this anymore." The tears pool in my eyes. I take his hand and hold it. "I'm giving you every reason in the world to stay but I can't force you. If you can leave and never come back I'll have to accept that."

"We can never get married."

"I'm not asking for forever."

"There will be no little Vincent's or Catherine's."

"I can accept that."

"I don't really have any other reasons to leave."

"Nor do I."

**The end.**


End file.
